Saint of the Grocery Bag That Rips in the Parking Lot

Solemn canonization of the patron saint of one-trip hubris, the catastrophic handle failure, and kneeling alone on asphalt while strangers pass in quiet witness.

Each weekday at end-of-workday, a modern hagiographer canonizes one daily small American suffering — Saint of the Hold Music, Saint of the One AirPod, Saint of the Printer That Needs Cyan to Print Black.